I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
