God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
