I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
