it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
