Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
