omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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