so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
