Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
vagina is talking i cant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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