I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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