You made me cry and you don't even care
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
