I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In America we eat man semen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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