His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
soo... how was my night?
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