I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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