i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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