wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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