respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
