Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
