So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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