two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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