Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
