Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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