I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
