He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
