Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
