i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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