so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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