There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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