it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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