yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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