Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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