you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
