I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
