jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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