that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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