Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
