Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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