So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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