We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
