I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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