His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
