Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
