all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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