So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
