You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
