If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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