my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
