You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
