Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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