You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pappa wants mamma naked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
