I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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