I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
