So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
