If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize