these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
