We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had sex on a roof
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
