theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's never too late to be topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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