His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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