go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
