I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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