we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
