So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
