the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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