doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
