Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
