sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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