I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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