I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
