the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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